Where’s “Dad”?

I’ve come to the conclusion that finding a father that is actively involved in their child’s life is rare. Why is that? Why do people think that’s acceptable that the father does not have to participate in raising the children? Because he “works” is not acceptable in my book. I “work” too. We, as the mothers, are working all day long. I truly feel sorry for the children that are not watching both parents raise them together. I understand that sometimes the father is not in the picture anymore or his job demands his time in ways that makes it impossible to be involved. But, for the most part I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want to be involved. I’d love some insight on this topic because I really don’t understand it. My husband works his butt of every day and loves his job. He comes home from work and his “job” is not over, he changes into Dad- mode. He walks in, kisses me and the children and basically asks what he can do to help right away. In my opinion, he does this because he respects me, understands how hard I work on a daily basis to maintain the house, keep the kids happy, and provide a meal for him every night. He loves his children, looks forward to talking to them about their day and playing with them. He gets on the floor to give them “rides” on his back, he plays football, he colors, he has tea party’s… Whatever it is, he is Dad when he is home. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying this to brag about how wonderful of a guy I have. I believe this is the way it should be. I didn’t have these children on my own, WE had them. Which in my mind, means WE raise them. Am I wrong? I see so many women doing everything while the man gets to do whatever he wants when he’s home and she never gets to do anything and that just confuses me.

When I was a child, I remember my dad being a little less active in my life. My mom did everything and my dad worked. I cherished the time I did have with my dad and seem to remember them as “special”. My mom didnt seem to mind this, she never complained, she was beyond an excellent mother and I never felt like we were missing anything by my dad working hard. So I guess, if anyone is in this situation or has any insight on it, I am curious! do you, as the mother, not care not mind that he is not as involved? Do you prefer it this way? Is it how you were raised, so you feel the need to continue it? What’s the deal? 🙂

xoxo

A Natural Approach

Soon after having Mush (baby #3)  this past December I felt as though I was faced with a number of challenges. Post partum depression.. I had with my other two, so I knew what to expect, I was prepared for it and so was my family. That is one thing I am definitely blessed with, an extremely supportive family. Then I was failing at breast feeding which came along with a number of emotions that I had to accept. And about a month later I started waking up with joint pain, bad joint pain. I associated it with stress, lack of sleep, normal things a woman with two toddlers and a newborn would be dealing with kinda pain. It was strange though because one day it would be my shoulder, the next day was my knee, the next was my wrist… It changed daily. I tried heating blankets, anti-inflammatorys, and rest. Nothing seemed to make it go away. I did some research online and diagnosed myself with either Rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. I tend to self diagnose… Doctors don’t like that. But I can say, I usually am right. 🙂 I made an emergency appointment with a rheumatologist because the pain was just getting worse. I told her my symptoms, she did x-rays and blood work and said to call back in two weeks. Fast forward two weeks of pain in most of my joints… I have the beginning stage of RA. She said the x-rays showed no actual joint damage so it hadn’t been going on long and the blood work showed I was positive for RA. She then prescribed steroids and told me to follow up with a RA in my area (since I moved in those two weeks to a different state). I was overwhelmed with the news, even though I basically knew what it was but she barely even told me anything about the disease or any other options I had besides steroids. I decided I was not going to take the steroids, I want a more natural approach.

I began to read about things that could help with joint pain and also had my Aunt (who is very knowledgable when it comes to natural healing) give me some advice. Avoiding caffine, sugar, red meat, and processed foods is one thing that could help. Eating asparagus, pineapple, fish, extra virgin olive oil, and onions would be good for me. So far I notice that when I do eat things with lots of Sugar, the next day I am in more pain. The weather and my menstrual cycle are also effecting how I feel when I wake up in the morning. I just keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and I will figure out a good system that helps me manage my pain. I have cried in my moms and my husbands arms saying that this seems unfair that at 25 years old, I physically feel 80. Waking up and being unable to open the refrigerator to get your child milk is frustrating. I took my health for granted, I took being able to walk pain free for granted. I think most people do. This is just the beginning of my journey with RA but I will not let it stop me from doing the things I’ve always done and wanted to do.

xoxo

Prayers for Boston

As soon as I heard about what occurred in Boston during the marathon I got chills. Panic, fear, anxiety, and sadness overwhelmed me. People tend to remember exactly where they are and who they are with when tragedy strikes. I remember sitting in my 9th grade Spanish class when I heard about the World Trade Center on 9/11. I was sitting in my kitchen exactly 7 years later when my mom called me to tell me my brother was in a car accident (he ended up being fine). I was sitting in the hospital after having our third baby ( Mush), hubby by my side when we saw the events of Sandy Hook unfold. And yesterday, I was sitting in my living room with my sister when I saw someone post on Facebook that there were bombs going off at the Boston Marathon. It’s crazy to me how life can change in a split second. It brings me back to thinking about why we wait to do anything. Why wait? Tomorrow is not promised… Anything can change in seconds! So in these moments I choose to hug my kids a little tighter, tell my husband I love him, and just enjoy the little things that happen. My husbands job makes me look at these attacks in a different light as well. His career can take him away from me at any given moment if somewhere else “needs” him. So when I see something happen, i have to think to myself, “is my husband going to be taken away from me for this?”, “are my kids going to lose their dad for a while AGAIN?”, and “what will I do to prepare myself to become mom and dad again to our 3 children?”. I also find myself worrying for my children’s future, too much sadness and hatred in the world makes me want to keep my kids in the house and protect them from everything bad. I know this is unrealistic and a little unhealthy but it is my job to protect them, right? How do we do this as a parent but also let them learn and see that there is good in the world along with the bad? My kids aren’t even in kindergarten yet and these are my worries for their future. I doubt I’ll ever NOT worry about everything when it comes to my kids but I just hope I can always do the best for them and make the right choices on how to parent them alongside my hubby.

xoxo

Balancing my life

I’ve always struggled with balancing things. Giving enough time to all three children, cleaning the house, making meals, doing project life (yup, that takes tons of time… and if you don’t know what project life is… Go check out Becky Higgins on Facebook), and most importantly being a wife. I love being a wife, a mother, a caretaker, and everything in between… But keeping a good balance on it is definitely a struggle for me. Often people tell me their kids come first… And while I agree with that statement, I also disagree. I have seen what happens when you put the kids first and your marriage/spouse second. I think that making my partner my number one will benefit the kids more and make them better people. What good would I be doing for my children if they did not learn first hand what love, respect, team work, and communication looked like? I want them to feel it, live it, and believe in it  all.  At the end of the day, I am lying in bed with him, and will grow old with him. We made a promise to each other and we always say to one another…”I will only be married once, so we better do this right”. My focus is him, but that doesn’t mean that together we don’t put out children first…. Because that we do! We love them together, spoil them together, and teach them together. I feel so blessed to be married to such an incredible person that works with me and is truly my partner in life.  Some days I feel like I am slacking in certain areas and not “balancing” things well. That’s when I just sit down and think about what needs my attention the most right now and focus on that. I figure, I’ve only been a wife for 4 years, I’m still figuring this all out, I have time to make it perfect. 🙂

xoxo

Why wait?

I’ve found myself saying this day after day. I think I should do something, I see something I want to do, make, or create, I want to say something, or go somewhere. And it always comes to this one question… “Why wait?” Really though, why am I waiting? Sometimes it’s just not the right time, or financially a struggle, or I just don’t have the motivation. But in the end, I realize that life is too short and we only live it once. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, what makes me think I CAN wait to do anything? So I decided today that I am not going to eventually start a blog… I AM going to just start one. No promises of exciting topics, correct grammar, or perfect spelling. I can promise honesty, from my heart/ head posts, and a real attempt at keeping up with it. Oh and I am sure to post TONS about my beautiful babies… I have three and to put it lightly, I’m obsessed with them 🙂